Photos Unnecessary
by Prosecutie
Summary: An unexpected partnership is formed, and now Japan and Hungary are dedicated to bringing yaoi to every corner of the globe! But can they put down the doujinshi and consider their own love lives for one second? For Catskid100's Crack Pairing Collection.


**A/N: Oh man, these two are so my headcanon now. =w= I'm so proud of my self for actually getting off my ass and writing this, I signed up for this exactly a year ago. This was super fun to write, anyone who hasn't signed up for a crack pairing yet should really reconsider~ ALSO: a quick note, I mention a lot of pairings in here, and I like some pairings that you might not, so I hope that doesn't turn you away from this story. ;w;**

ovo

Ah, the beach. Normally, the beach is an excellent place to relax and let your worries drift away, if only temporarily. However, that wasn't the case for Japan and his two friends Germany and Italy.

It was the day before another world conference, and since the three of them had completed everything they needed to prepare for the next day, Italy had convinced Germany to take them to the beach to cool off. It was a shame that they were, in fact, doing the opposite.

"Ve~ Germany, hey Germany! Look how far out I can swim!" Italy called out, swimming into deeper and deeper waters.

"Italy, come back right now!" Germany commanded loudly. "If you drown, I'm not saving you!"

"Ve~ Germany, look how high I can climb up this tree!"

"Come back down, you'll fall and get a concussion!"

"Look, I made friends with a monkey, ve~!"

"Put that thing down, what if it's sick?"

"Look Germany, he's swimming with me~"

"Italy, come back here!"

Meanwhile, Japan sat back on his beach towel in the tree shade, watching all the chaos from a safe distance. He was being neglected, sure, but this was exactly what he wanted. Japan slowly took out his camera and notebook from his bag and began writing eagerly.

_6/10_

_2:33_

_Italy – displaying reckless behavior and overall ignorance_

_Germany – giving Italy undivided attention, keeping him from danger_

_Possible scenarios: _

_- Italy falling out of tree, Germany catching him_

_- Italy drowning, Germany rescuing him_

_- Italy being attacked by wild animal, Germany fighting it to the death_

_- In general, Italy being hurt/in danger somehow, Germany playing the hero_

As if one cue, while Italy was fooling around with his new monkey friend, Italy tripped over his own feet and feel headfirst into the water with an "Eep!".

_"Italy!"_ Germany instantly stripped himself of his shirt quite dramatically and plunged into the water. Japan quickly set down his notebook and grabbed the camera. In no time at all, Germany popped out from the water with a coughing Italy in his arms, water dripping off both of them. Japan took two photos of this.

Germany set Italy onto the sand when they were away from the water.

"I told you to stay away from that monkey!" Germany scolded. Italy giggled sheepishly, and Germany's expression softened. Japan took a photo of this. "Are you okay?"

"Ve~ I'm fine, now that Ludwig has rescued me~" Italy grinned, and gave Germany a kiss on the cheek and a hug. One photo. "Grazie, Ludwig."

Germany blushed a very nice shade of red. "J-just don't let it happen again." Italy giggled again. The blushing Germany would do very well on Japan's website, and the fans would eat up the cheek kiss. Three photos.

Japan swiftly hid his camera and notebook back into the back and ran over to Italy and Germany. "Italy-san, are you okay?"

"Ve~ I'm fine." Replied Italy warmly.

Japan had been pursuing this work since three weeks after he'd made an alliance with Germany and Italy so long ago. He'd set up his website, and the response was enormous. Now Japan indulged himself as well as his fans with pictures and video of the pair doing anything that could be interpreted as love. He also had plenty of pictures and footage of other pairs, such as France and England during a world meeting, or Switzerland and his adoptive little sister Liechtenstein having a picnic, or Poland dragging Lithuania out shopping with him. How did Japan get his footage? Trade secret, sorry.

Japan was very passionate about this part time job, and other times it was a very lonely business. Though he had hundreds of thousands of fans online, he'd never met a single one of them. Japan had no one to talk to about his favorite hobby, and in fact, Japan had even further distanced himself from the rest of the world so that no one would become suspicious of his behavior, or of the giant hole on the side of his bag, which he sometimes used so he could put his video camera in his bag and record while Japan himself was present.

Yes, it was a very lonely business sometimes…

ovo

Hungary leaned in towards the mirror to put in the second diamond earring. She was at Austria's house with Austria and Prussia, and was amazed that they had only tried to kill each other twice so far. Hungary reapplied her lipstick, glancing at the albino trying to fix his bowtie while Austria was completely ready in a sharp suit that Hungary herself had helped pick out.

"I don't get why I have to go to your stupid piano concert, anyway," Prussia grumbled, fumbling with his bowtie. Somehow, Austria and Hungary had managed to get Prussia in a suit, too. "It's not like I give a damn about music or anything."

"We've already had this discussion, Prussia. I'm _trying_ to culture you." Austria replied calmly.

"Yeah, well, I'll be _trying_ not to gag while you're up on stage." Prussia spat. Austria, strangely, tensed up a little, but didn't say anything. He was determined not to ruin his clothes, which would without a doubt be creased and torn in a useless argument with Prussia. Noting this strange change in behavior, Hungary glanced up at a hidden camera she had set up in a corner of the ceiling to make sure it was still functioning and recording.

Austria watched as Prussia battled with the bowtie with the mirror, only making the mess on his shirt worse. "Oh for God's sake," Austria muttered. "Let me fix it." Austria undid Prussia's bowtie and tied it properly while Prussia just mumbled unintelligibly.

Hungary inhaled deeply. She lived for tender moments like these, when Prussia and Austria weren't at each other's necks, thirsting for blood.

"Hmm," Prussia mused. "Maybe you _really_ want me to be there to watch you play." Prussia grinned from ear to ear.

"Don't be ridiculous," snapped Austria, though Hungary could swear his cheeks were just a little pinker.

"Aww, Roddy wants to play piano just for me~" Prussia trilled. "Isn't that cute, Gilbird?"

A yellow head popped out from the pocket on Prussia's shirt and it was, indeed, Gilbird. Gilbird chirped cheerfully.

"See, Roddy? Even Gilbird can tell you want me." Prussia mocked.

Austria stood up straight. The blush on his face was much more obvious now. "I want nothing of the sort!"

Hungary whipped out her tape recorder soundlessly and began muttering into it quickly, making sure no one noticed. "6/10, 5:37 PM. Roderich fixes Gilbert's bowtie, Gilbert teasing Roderich of liking him, Roderich showing tsundere qualities…"

"You like me!"

"Not true!"

"It is!"

"Is not!"

"It is!"

"Is _not!_" Austria lunged at Prussia and clamped his teeth down on this nose.

"_Eeeeeooowww!_" Prussia yelled. "_Geddoff geddoff geddoff gedoff!_"

"T'ke bck wot you sad!" Austria demanded, unable to talk normally without letting go of Prussia's nose. Gilbird shuffled out of Prussia's pocket and began pecking Austria's face while Prussia and Austria continued to wrestle.

Hungary sighed and added "….and promptly begin to fight like children." to the recording before stuffing it back into her purse. So much for tender moments. "Stop fighting, you two! You'll ruin your outfits!"

Ever since Hungary had noticed some odd sexual tension between Austria and Prussia after she had married Austria so long ago, she had been partaking in filming excellent footage of the pair doing almost anything, because almost anything the pair did together could be viewed as even more sexual tension. Prussia and Austria were Hungary's specialty, but she had footage on nearly everyone. China and Korea, Russia and America, Turkey and Greece, you name it. If she told you how she got her footage, she'd likely go to jail, so it will remain a secret.

But sometimes she felt very isolated by her job. She only had her collection and herself. Hungary wished she had a friend or a partner to make her feel less empty, or at least someone to talk to.

Yes, sometimes she felt like a complete outcast.

ovo

The next day was the world conference, and this particular conference was no different than any other conference in the past. There was yelling, molesting, mess-making, and nothing was accomplished. Japan watched the other nations, but remained uninvolved. He had anticipated this and had brought along his notebook full of notes on various couples to go through the contents and add a few annotations.

Hungary was tapping her fingers on the table, counting the minutes before the meeting was over. She wondered why the countries even got together anymore. It certainly wasn't as if they achieved anything through all this meaningless fighting. She knew nothing was going to get done, so she had brought along some of the photos she had taken throughout the week to sort through for the ones she liked the most.

And so it was that Japan and Hungary were both engaging in their secret hobby, unbeknownst to each other.

ovo

Once the meeting was adjourned, everything was still the same. Japan sighed, putting his belongings in his bag and heading towards the elevator.

Hungary shoved all of her things into her purse and was also heading towards the elevator. Both of the nations were still out of it after such a boring meeting. Hungary was walking right in front of Japan and walking out the main door to the elevator.

_Oh shit, did I leave my hair clip at my table?_ The thought suddenly struck Hungary as she felt the absence of a clip in her hair and as she recalled fiddling with it during the meeting. She swiftly turned around to go back and check, instead she felt her head crash into Japan's face, propelling Hungary onto her butt and scattering her belongings everywhere.

"Oww…" Hungary heard herself say as she rubbed her butt comfortingly. She looked up to see Japan doing the same thing. Japan opened an eye and saw his belongings had spilled, and so had Hungary's. Hungary's lungs stopped working when they realized that the other nation could see her photos, which had poured out all over the floor. Sucking in her breath, Hungary's eyes flickered from item to item and she grabbed her photos, also catching a glance at Japan's open notebook in the process.

_4/5_

_ 6:07 AM_

_ Germany woke up with a naked Italy in his bed again and blushed furiously when he woke up (photos taken). While brushing their teeth, Italy attempted to strip Germany of his boxers (photos taken) and Germany's face turned a shade of red I haven't seen in a while (photos taken). When Germany began applying gel into his hair, Italy began fooling around with the gel and got it all over his face, which Germany quickly wiped off his face like a mother hen (photos taken). Afterwards, they-_

Hungary wasn't able to read anymore because Japan had snatched the notebook back from her, panting hard, a feral look in his eyes. Japan quickly swiped everything on the floor that belonged to him, but not before noticing the photos Hungary had dropped. And was that… a photo of Spain tugging Romano's ahoge? And another photo of Denmark and Norway sharing a donut in a café? Japan looked up at Hungary questionably, but Hungary's skin had turned a color of white Japan thought was paler than the snows of Siberia. Hungary snatched her photos back and stood up, turned around sharply , and promptly broke into a run. That would have worked, it Japan didn't have his ninja skills to rely on. He grabbed her shoulder solemnly, and Hungary let out a yelp.

"Come to my house… tomorrow at noon." Japan asked tersely, before heading to the elevator and disappearing behind the metal doors.

Hungary suddenly realized her hair clip was on the _other_ side of her head.

ovo

Once home, Hungary couldn't focus on anything after what had occurred. Was Japan going to blackmail her or something? Or was she finally going to get what she had wanted for so long… a comrade?

Hungary went to bed anxious and uneasy. When sleep finally came to her, she found she was just as tense when she woke up the next morning. She had to get on her flight very early in the morning which left her groggy and disoriented, and overall in an unpleasant mood. It was a very long flight, but when the flight attendant announced that they would land in Japan soon, Hungary suddenly wished that she had another hour or so. She had no idea what to expect or what to say when she would meet with Japan.

She found herself at Japan's doorstep too soon for her liking, and it took her two minutes to force herself to press Japan's doorbell. Unfortunately for her, Japan was home of course, and he answered the door without delay.

"Ah, Hungary-san, you came." Japan greeted her with a polite smile. "Come inside, we have much to talk about."

_Do we really?_ Hungary couldn't stand being kept in the dark any longer. She gave a simple "good morning" as she stepped into Japan's giant house.

Japan led her to his kitchen, where began making tea. Hungary just blinked and remained silent, since she still had no idea what to say.

Japan hummed softly as he brought the tea over to the table. "So," he began, snapping Hungary back into reality. "I'm going to get straight to the point."

Hungary blinked a few times and shuffled in her seat uncomfortably.

Japan continued. "Those photos yesterday…"

Hungary swallowed hard, stirring her tea. Of course he was going to bring up those.

"…they were yours, correct?"

Hungary nodded stiffly. "…yes."

"Ah." Japan replied, and then didn't say anything. Hungary's teeth began chattering.

Hungary decided to say something in Japan's silence. "And the notebook?"

"Mine." Japan answered laconically, taking a sip of his tea.

There was yet another long and painful awkward silence. Japan sipped his tea quietly, and Hungary was stirring her tea harshly to calm her nerves. Suddenly, Japan stood up from his seat, startling Hungary.

"Follow me," said Japan. "There's something you need to see."

Hungary got up clumsily and followed Japan. She wished she could just know if Japan was going to mock her, now that he knew her secret. But then again, she had seen his notebook that was full of notes on just Italy and Germany… but she had only seen half a page, she couldn't declare a verdict off of that. It could just be a small diary or daily log or something of that nature that Japan carried around with him. A-and Japan couldn't use her photos against her! It wasn't as if she had brought any of her R-18 photos with her to the world conference. Maybe Hungary was just taking pictures of the other nations because she liked photography! Right? Haha! …except for it you asked the nations in the photo, none of them would say Hungary was there for the moment in the picture, which would make Hungary look very suspicious indeed. It certainly would point to espionage…

"Hungary-san." said Japan, getting her attention. They were now standing in front of a normal door, but this one had a lock. When Japan took out his key and opened the door, however, she was filled with pure awe.

It was a dimly lit room with no windows, almost like a cave. But what were important were the things _in_ the room. A giant shelf, with many, many rows, full of nothing but doujinshi, cardboard boxes filled with tape recordings labeled things like "Spamano 6/05" or "GerIta 7/08", giant posters of some of the nations, some body pillows on the bed (which had a blanket with the nations' faces on them), a desk lined with figurines and a giant computer which controlled three giant television screens built into the wall. Stacks of dating sims were everywhere.

It was…

It was…..

…_perfect._

"This….Japan…" Hungary couldn't form a coherent sentence in the state of awe she was in. "This is amazing."

"Thank you. It's taken me quite some time to acquire. Would you like to see my doujinshi?" Japan offered.

Relief washed over Hungary like lukewarm water, and smiled as if she had just received the best gift in the world. And in a way, she had. She had acquired a friend.

"Of course."

ovo

Japan had been holding his breath, waiting for Hungary's reaction to his special room. As far as Japan could tell, she had loved it. Japan had then received one of the warmest smiles he had ever gotten.

Japan would show her all the yaoi in the world if he got to see that smile again.

ovo

After a long inspection of the best of Japan's collection and an even longer look at Japan's website, Hungary decided to return the favor.

"My collection may not be as grand as yours," Hungary explained, "but I hope you'll still like it."

"I'm sure I will, Hungary-san." Japan smiled, and Hungary was filled with pride and confidence.

One long flight later, they were at Hungary's house. They followed a routine similar to the one at Japan's house; Hungary made tea and they ate cookies. But this time, the awkward silence wasn't invited. Now that Hungary was certain Japan was not going to use anything against her, she opened up to him, and vice versa. They exchanged secrets, made promises to share their best footage or photos, and talked about their favorite pairings.

"You specialize in GerIta, right?" Hungary asked.

"Yes," said Japan, "I find them a very interesting pair to watch. And you specialize in Prussia and Austria?"

Hungary nodded cheerfully. "It never gets old."

After their chat, Hungary decided it was time. "Japan, I think now it's time I show you what _I've_ accumulated over time."

Japan followed Hungary to her room, and his eyes grew wide.

It may not have had the giant television screens, but she made up for it in every other way. Whereas Japan had one giant shelf filled with doujinshi, Hungary had _four_. She opened a drawer to reveal hundreds of prints of fanart of every pairing imaginable. She had a billboard where dozens of keychains hung, she had dozens of binders sorted out by pairing filled with her favorite fanfiction. Posters lined her walls endlessly, and she had special blankets and pillows for her bed, just like Japan.

Japan didn't know what to say. There was nothing he _could_ say, because nothing could summarize the wonder he felt after stepping into Hungary's room. It was like being in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

"Hungary-san, I…" Japan trailed off quietly. "This is absolutely amazing." Japan smiled and added, "Hungary-san, I think I can really rely on a person like you."

"I feel the same about you," Hungary beamed, a persuasive twinkle in her eye. "Together, we can truly bring yaoi to every corner of the globe, to the fans who really need it, Japan!"

Japan's smile grew a little more. "Kiku. Please, call me Kiku, _partner_."

And thus, the greatest partnership in the world was formed.

ovo

No matter what Hungary was doing, no matter where she was, she saw everything in a different light now. It wasn't that she wasn't yaoi obsessed before, but something about having someone to share her passion with made her even more avid to spy on others. Whether it was at a world conference and Russia whispering something into America's ear, or Spain giving Romano a spontaneous hug, or something as trivial as two nations walking side by side, Hungary could feel her fangirl senses tingling. Japan and Hungary now swapped belongings on a regular basis, getting together more and more often. They learned to trust each other completely. They often discussing how to take their hobby to new heights.

"So I've been thinking," Hungary began one day after inviting Japan to a café. "I think we can take this thing to the next level."

"I know exactly what you mean." Japan nodded solemnly. "Now that I've over doubled the amount of content I add to my site, thanks to you, the fans are going crazy. The response was off the charts, and I still don't think their satisfied."

"I think we should consider taking our approach a step back." Hungary grinned a mischievous grin, and Japan was hooked.

"What do you mean?" asked Japan, intrigued.

"Well, together we have hundreds of cameras placed all over the world. They bring us the footage we need, but…" Hungary paused, "what if instead of setting the cameras up, we took footage _ourselves_ once in a while?"

"I'm listening."

"The fans simply aren't getting enough by watching footage at a single angle. They want to feel as if they're actually there, drooling over their favorite pairing, right next to them. We need to be able to provide that service to them." Hungary's grin grew even more, and that persuasive twinkle was back. "It's time to do some dirty work."

And Hungary was absolutely serious. It meant following people around and breaking multiple laws, but Japan and Hungary were aware of the consequences back when they had, individually, first started this thing years ago. Japan and Hungary dug out their binoculars and got to work.

It was a lot like bird watching, only, you know, with people. It was kind of thrilling. Before Japan knew it, he was on his walkie talkie in trees, bushes, and buildings stalking people. Today, it was a bush.

"Lizzy, are you there?" Japan whispered into his walkie talkie. It had taken forever for Hungary to convince Japan to call her that. "Over."

"I'm in the tree not thirty yards away from them, over." Hungary replied, looking into her binoculars. "_Today's target: Ivan Braginski and Alfred F. Jones._" she had written in her notebook. "_8/17, 3:27. Targets getting hotdogs from a booth in the park. On a date, perhaps…?_" Japan had written in his notebook.

"Lizzy?" Japan whispered.

"Yeah?"

"…be careful." Japan cautioned.

"Psh, Kiku, when have I ever made a mistake?" Hungary said quietly. Japan sighed. Sometimes bravery could be a person's downfall.

"_Alfred has devoured his hot dog in record time…_"

"_Ivan seems reluctant to eat American food…_"

"_Alfred is attempting to persuade Ivan to eat it…_"

"_Ivan is teasing Alfred that he'd rather eat something else instead…_"

"_Alfred punches Ivan's arm…_"

The two stalkers scribbled furiously in their notebooks, holding their video cameras steadily.

"Kiku, they're leaving! Let's move!"

Kiku leaped out of his bush when the coast was clear. "Let's meet up at the park sign."

"Okay."

Once the two nations had met up, the exchanged a thumbs up.

Japan gave Hungary a quick quizzical look. "You have leaves in your hair." Japan began pulling them out one by one. Hungary giggled.

"So do you."

They kept moving, hopping from tree to building to bench for cover. Once Russia and America had stopped to sit on a park bench, Hungary and Japan had gotten comfortable in the same bush. Hungary sighed peacefully.

"What is it?" Japan asked.

"Oh nothing," Hungary hummed. "I was just thinking about how much nicer it is with you around."

Japan's cheeks grew warm. "I… I feel the same way."

Hungary sighed again and leaned against Japan a little before picking up her binoculars again. Japan looked at his hands for a few seconds, then gave Hungary a light kiss on the cheek. Hungary looked at Japan in surprise, but a smile slowly spread across her face. She rested her head on his shoulder and put her hand on his, and picked up her binoculars again. Japan smiled, picking up his notebook.

_8/17_

_ 4:12_

_ Japan and Hungary take their partnership a little further (photos unnecessary)._

ovo

**A/N: It's over~! I hope you enjoyed me pushing my OTP, Russiamerica, in your face. C: The next pairing I signed up for is CubaxLiechtenstein. Yup, you read that right. Brace youselves! :D Also, this reminds me of ****a puzzle**** a comic strip I read, it's hilarious!: http:/ static. zerochan. net/full . Ciao~!**


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